tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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