Having a random hookup so left but love u
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
