I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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