your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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