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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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