Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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