Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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