sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
