I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
