Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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