he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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