I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
