Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
