i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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