I just saw a hot homeless man
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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