Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
