I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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