my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize