I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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