My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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