hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
