I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
