I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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