I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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