Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it penis luge time yet?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
