Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
