I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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