she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
