hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
