i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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