omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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