Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
