i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
