I heard we made out
We named our party play list daddy issues
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
