SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
