So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
