I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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