in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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