There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize