i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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