i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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