i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
