she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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