I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
