Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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