Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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