We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
