Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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