so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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