I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
