and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
