Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize