i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
