The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize