you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
