Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
