i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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