you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
