haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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