you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
