You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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