That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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