Say something about gay babies.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
