We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
