Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
