I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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