Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
