I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
