Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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