My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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