my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
