She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
