white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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