I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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