Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
