my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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