I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
