i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
